Forever In Our Hearts: Scarlett Lynn Stahl

Posted on March 16, 2023

I dedicate this post to my son Christopher and daughter-in-law Erica in honor of their baby girl Scarlett Lynn! I hope that I do her justice and that this might help someone who has or is going through a similar experience. I want you to know that your baby’s life had meaning and that, short as it may have been, God chose you to be her parents for a reason!

I can’t imagine anything more painful than losing a child. There are feelings of profound grief, shock, anger and confusion. You might question why this happened to you and the unfairness of it all. These are some of the emotions my son and daughter-in-law went through when they lost their precious unborn daughter Scarlett Lynn. Some of this post will be written through the hearts of her parents as they’ve shared their thoughts with me and what I’ve witnessed and felt during this difficult time.

Erica had gone to her regular prenatal appointment to have an ultrasound done; sadly, the sonographer was unable to detect a heartbeat or movement. When I heard from Erica, I was astounded yet still hopeful that maybe it was just her position in the womb or something. Our family was sharing our hopes and fears until it was official that Scarlett had passed. As disheartening as it was to us, it was much more so for her mom and dad. From that moment forward, their lives were changed forever.

Scarlet (with one t) is a color, a version of red. The scarlet hue represents passion, courage and joy! Her parents manifested excitement as they focused on her impending birth and they are exhibiting courage as they find their way through the grieving process. Amidst the sadness, they are still able to find joy, if only for moments each day. Although she was a surprise to her parents, already raising three energetic young boys, they had welcomed her into their family with love and delight.

She lived in the warmth of her mother’s womb as she was developing her sense of smell, and touch and possibly even hearing at that point: senses that help create that magnificent bond between mother and baby. If a baby can possibly sense a mother’s love at that age, I’m certain that Scarlett did. She was safe, secure and totally dependent on her mommy. She lived the best life that anyone can really live here on earth because she had no worries, stress or fears. She didn’t have to face any of life’s struggles and ultimately went from the security of her mother’s womb to the safest, most beautiful place in existence. She was as pure as a person can be.

This precious gift from God brought Christopher and Erica incredible joy and deep sadness. How can a baby they haven’t yet met arouse such emotion in her parents? We have to consider this from their point of view. They had hopes and dreams for Scarlett. They lost a great deal more than 4 months of pregnancy memories. They will miss out on a potential lifetime of experiences they had planned on sharing with her. Thankfully, God understands their pain and is walking through this dark time with them.

Once they got word that they lost their little girl, they had to figure out what to do next. They knew immediately that they wanted her treated respectfully and planned to have a service to celebrate her short, yet significant life. I have to wonder how many babies lost in pregnancy are treated as real people. It seems as though it’s uncommon today, and Scarlett is one of few to receive such recognition. Sadly, in today’s world, many don’t look at unborn babies as such, but we wanted to dignify her life. She was a child of God, and He creates all beings with purpose before they’re even conceived.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139: 13-16

Chris and Erica found a funeral home that treated them graciously and truly honored Scarlett’s life. They provided their services at no cost, and seemed to show genuine compassion for them. The pastor at our small community church conducted a beautiful, intimate service in celebration of her life! In the front of the church was a touching memorial exhibiting her tiny footprints, a sweet little butterfly urn, little pink roses and a card. The worship team even came, for this special occasion, to sing some songs and support the family. I personally found one of the songs, “Heaven Help Me”, to be very powerful. If you have never heard it, I encourage you to look up the lyrics. I think it encompasses much of what Chris and Erica have experienced.

On top of the palpable grief, the questions come pouring in. Where is God? Why didn’t God stop this from happening? Was there something I could have done? When we have questions and don’t understand the why, we try to figure it out ourselves. The answers, however, often belong to the Lord, and it’s not our place to know or to question Him. Yet, by the grace of God, we can lean on and trust Him and be reminded that we’re not alone. We can find comfort in knowing that God will use this for a greater glory and purpose than anyone can fathom. He has already given us everything we need to mend our broken hearts, and one day we will meet her in heaven and understand at last.

The loss of baby Scarlett has left our family broken-hearted. Her parents have an emptiness in their hearts that only God can fill. Her brothers have a little sister they never got to meet or tease; She has grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins who will never forget that she was here. We will celebrate her life with love and joy each year on the day she passed into God’s arms.

Healing is different for everybody, and there is no specific time frame in which it’s meant to happen. It’s necessary to let yourself feel all the emotions and not hide from them, otherwise they will hold you back. They are gifts that tell us what we’re thinking. Once aware of our thoughts, we get to choose how we move forward from this! We can disengage from the world or use our pain to be a blessing to others, whether it’s family, friends or complete strangers.

Generous persons will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed

Proverbs 11:25

Listening to, teaching, forgiving and giving to others will bring joy and purpose back into our world. Blessing other people is one of the most beautiful ways we can honor Scarlett! We had no say in whether she lived or not, or for how long. What we can control, however, is how we spend the rest of our lives for her, for us, for God. This doesn’t mean the grieving ends; It means that we can move through the pain with intention to a place of contentment.

Baby Scarlett’s life meant something to our family; she had intrinsic value. As a true blessing and part of our family, she will remain a light in our hearts. This pronounced pain may turn into an ache or longing that comes and goes, and we will strive to live out our intended purposes as we are reminded that God’s mercies are new each day, and we can remain in hope.

For any of my readers, I extend my hand out to you, to walk with you on your healing journey if this has particular meaning or importance to you. Together we can get you to a place of joy again!